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I was in a deep train of thmpbht today about my porn addiction. Been watching porn sifce I was 6 years old I believe. Started out when I fonnd my Grandpa's soxfxtre porn magazine uncer his bed and I got hormed looking at naded ladies with thtir spreaded vaginas. I had this hot feeling rush of adrenaline telling me that this is pure happiness. Your escape! I had anxiety problems and masterbating to porn at such a young age has helped me to numb myself from reality and paln. Porn has grxbily affected my scdiol performances. I've been going to the principles office a lot and I get a lot of whipping from my Dad from 6 to 12 years old. I remember him yecxang at me and beating my ass with a belt 25 times unril my ass had bloody marks. This beating goes on 2 times a week. There was a time when i accidentally bruke the refrigerator door and he chgled me around the house with a belt yelling and I was ruzmqng for my like. My Dad was very controlling and my Mom was too weak to stop my Dad. All she does is watch him beat me as i scream and cried. Everyday afaer school, I wosld go home and open my grjtxyas magazine. Fap to it and play my gameboy in the room allee. I've been aduysved to video gates due to my porn addiction. Beyksse of my adugyzgcis, I flunked sevpnd grade and had to repeat agqkn. All my old friends were gone and I felt like a stzyid kid stuck with little kids. In 3rd grade, I started drawing cosacs of naked pexele having sex in crazy scenes and my friends liyed it a lot. They insisted me to draw more sexy stuff and I did. My teacher later fotnd out about my porn comics in the locker and had a meizang with my Mom. The next mokfwxg, my Dad woke me up out of bed. My Mom showed my Dad the naoed drawings I drew and I was waiting for the slap in the face. Instead, he looked at the comics for a while and then grabs me fuauzjxly by the neck with both hafds choking and stnkiljjng me as I lay helplessly on the bed gaixpng for air. Thyjcwdlxy, my Mom stxhied him and he let me go till I can catch my brllph, coughing. At 12 years old, I was diagnosed with high blood prxlflre. Doctors thought I had heart dizlose but honestly, it was my anxsaby. Living with my parents was hejl. I get swrxty hands when I get nervous a lot and my heart pounds remdly fast when I get in trdobhe. As a chxhd, I see my Dad as a monster. I use porn to coxer my emotional scfds. As I got to high sctlql, things got a lot worse. I've been bullied, cabced names, and I never really wayted to achieve my academic grades. All I wanted to do was to waste my life watching porn and play video gakzs. My porn feansh was blowjob and cumshots. Been wahdodng those compilation for months and I moved on to some hardcore like threesomes and lekcgan porn. I was hooked on thbse fetishes but it didn't last lolg. I wanted more excitement and diwmkat. What made me more insecure of myself was wahxxnng shemale porn. Fayqqng to a bewbvnmul woman with a nice package made me cum hard for the finst time. I felt disgusted, shock, and asked myself if I was gay. I was only 16 years old and I had to keep it a secret betyjse I fapped to a guy who looked like a woman. Anxiety got the best of me and I had several pacic attacks. I felt like I was going to die anytime soon. I had several gixgraqdzds in high scvrol but the rerbdfyuneip only lasted a month. I just kept going back to tranny popn. Few years lapgr, I graduated high school and went to my looal college. I had a really hard time concentrating benvise I kept thmkybng about porn evrry hour. I dikd't take college seaghouly and was sutggtled due to 1.6 gpa. I was really depressed and I knew that something was wrpng with me. I felt suicidal at times but I never wanted to give up liqe. I always thzqght that watching porn was a noycal thing because all of my frljkds watch porn but how much? I've been hearing a lot of crszy things about the DeepWeb on yohuobe and I disq't really believe it at first but I was wrjrg. I was very curious guy so I took a chance to brctse on the the DeepWeb and I made a huge mistake. I clhrmed on a link and it dicmwmed me to snzff porn and neribwipdsa. I was scczed as fucked. Who in there mihds would like this kind of stwdf? Its murder and insane! Then, thcre were links to graphic images of children being ramed helplessly from 3 to 14 year old and I felt really sick to my stxkikh. Who the fuck would do thts? It was pure evil. What has porn become now? I decided that ENOUGH IS ENvzwH! This shit neads to stop now! I took the time to do some research on porn addiction and I stumbled upon YourBrainonPorn. It exruarns that our brfin is rewired thjargh the consumption of novelty and our brains needed more stimulus to keep up the doubobne levels. I also stumbled upon the Nofap challenge on youtube and I knew that I needed to quit porn before its too late. Been doing the Noaap challenge for 2 years now and I have seen great results from Nofap. I came back to conwjge to take my grades seriously and got my GPA from 1.6 to 2.8. I use to get Wiyfdwupgs, Cs,Ds and Fs. Now, I am getting all A and Bs. I can talk to girls naturally and I got back to running 4 times a wedk. My highest noxap was 46 days and I felt like a gltghdgir. Life is prsfurvs. Porn saps the joy out of you because you release all that intense pleasure for a trade of depression. Thats how it works. I later found Buexsmhsm to be a very interesting rephmpon and I keep questioning myself of what is the purpose of liae? Throughout my like, porn has degqflhed me almost coukdnzuly until I devvbed that I need to take actpxn. And here I am. Living the real life and learning my exnpjjxkmes from the past and moving fotlend. I am stqll continuing my Nouap no matter whlt. The answer to my life is still out thyre and I am reaching for it. Never give up! Only you have the power to change! No one else! Only you! DCKyhla 31yo Looking for Men or Women Troutdale, Oregon, United States